“Can I use
your phone? I need to call Papa.”
My son, Clayton, said to me.
“What for?” I asked. “For
Happy Thank You Day.” He replied. As
a parent of a toddler you often hear, “You should be writing this stuff
down.” This Thanksgiving I was
thinking of that, the wonderful family I have to be thankful for, and the fact
that we will soon be welcoming a little girl into our nuthouse. Baby "D" is due to arrive on January 2nd
though I am hoping for a 2014 exemption.
I also thought, Clay and his antics are much more entertaining then
anything I write, so why not blog about my family – two birds with one
stone. So without further ado here
is my life through select Facebook statuses over the last year and a little
more:
December
1, 2014 (My wife’s, Amie, status)
Clayton's
first words this morning (trying to get out of going to school) "I went to
school already!"
November
28, 2014
We are at
McDonalds play land. Clay is hanging off the railing on the stairs yelling,
"HELP, HELP!" I go over there, "No daddy. I want the girl's
help." That's my boy!
November
23, 2014
Amie came home from the dollar store with more prizes for when
Clay uses the potty. He pooped on the potty for the first, second, third and
fourth times yesterday and today and we were getting low on prizes. One of the
new prizes was a cowboy vest that he really wanted to try on. We would not let
him, so he ran into the living room where his potty chair is and went to work
producing a dime size turd. He has the system rigged already. He put on his new
cowboy vest and his cowboy hat and then looked at me and said, "get on the
floor and say nay."
November
22, 2014
Me,
"You have two options. The rest of the movie or story time?" Clay,
"You have one option. Train track or blocks."
November
22, 2014
My mom
told me that the other day she said to Clay, "You have a hole in your
sock." He looked down at his feet, and then said, "I have socks like
Daddy!"
November
20, 2014 (Amie’s status)
Brandon's
hoping we will be a family of four by Christmas! He really wants the tax break J
November
18, 2014
I have
been telling Clay not to take my ties from my closet. They are not toys. Today,
I saw one of my ties on the floor and confronted him about it. "Did you
take my tie? I said not to do that." Clay, "I did. I peed on the
floor." ... ... ... Me, "Did you clean up your pee with my tie?"
Clay, "I did."
November
15, 2014 – Opening Day of Dear Season
Clay is a
natural hunter... He just moved the stepladder to the window and had me open
it. He then climbed it so he could look out the window to see the girl across
the street. He then immediate says to me, "Daddy get away from me. Go sit
over there." Apparently, I was cramping his style.
November
7, 2014 (Amie’s status)
Clayton's
first words this morning after he sprinted out of his room, "Daddy do you
know caterpillars turn into butterflies!"
September
2014
Every year
my mom gives my wife more money on her birthday than she gives to me on my
birthday.
September
5, 2014
What does
it say about me when I grab a drill to hang some curtains and my wife says, “Should
we call your mom?”
August 19,
2014
Clay told
momma, "This mess is too deep and too tall. We cannot pick it up."
Apparently, there is no way at all.
July 27,
2014
Clay is
trying to Jedi mind trick me, "Dada doesn't like bacon. Daddy likes
salad." #toddlersharingproblems
July 26,
2014
About a
half hour ago I gave Clay some milk in a purple sippy cup. Our other cups are
in the dishwasher. He was watching a movie and ignored the milk. All of a
sudden he says, "This is a girl cup. I don't like girl cups."
July 2014
Happy
Anniversary Amie Gardipee Evans!!! I love you!!! Life sure changes... Last
night as I bought three tickets to the latest Disney movie (Planes Fire &
Rescue) the eighty something lady next to me was buying two tickets to Sex
Tape. Amie says the lady was yelling at her husband, who was using a walker,
about being late. #foreshadowing
July 15,
2014
We took
away some of Clay's toys for misbehavior and put them out of reach. Nana asked
him, "What do you need to do to get them back?" thinking he would sit
at the table like a good boy and eat his dinner. His response, "I need to
get a rope." That's my boy!
July 3,
2014
Old man
problems - I bought a new polo shirt during my lunch break today. This morning
it occurred to me that the shirt I was thinking about wearing to my high school
reunion tonight is the same shirt that I wore to my reunion 5 years ago.
June 2014
Clay
normally calls Beverly Jo Evans, Nana. Today, when I got home from work he told
me, "Your mom took me to McDonalds." My birthday boy is pretty smart
for a 3 year old!
June 10,
2014 (Amie’s status)
Clay is
insisting on wearing a winter coat and gloves to the grocery store. He said,
"It looks fine!"
June 4, 2014
Sign #427
that my wife is a bit of a control freak. Clay tells me last night, "These
are morning socks. I need jammy socks." Apparently he has socks that go
with his pajamas... At least it's a comfort thing because they don't match the
pajamas.
April 12,
2014
Amie
Gardipee Evans is in the other room showing Beverly
Jo Evans and Cheryl Gardipee how to "save" money. My wife is a
couponing nut! Anyone want to play Trivial Pursuit? We are about to save some
money by buying it.
April 4,
2014 (Amie’s status)
Last night
Clay handed me a feminine product and said, "Here's your potty treat
momma." Then he said, "Sometime I get a potty treat too!"
April 1,
2014
As Clay
spilled his orange juice, I discovered he apparently says, "Oh dick!"
Instead of "Oh shit!"
March 23,
2014 (Amie’s status)
Clay just
said, "See that building that's where the Packers live!" I love him.
March 9,
2014 (Amie’s status)
Clay is
giving me every excuse to get out of bed. He just said "Momma I need to go
fix my contacts."
March 5,
2014
When we
were at the Rainforest Cafe Clay saw the fake Crocodile. Later, Clay told us,
"The crocodile ate my finger." We took him to the circus and he rode
a pony. Today, Clay told us, "I rode a tiger at the circus." I have
to take this kid fishing!
February
8, 2014
Clay put
the three movies we got from the movie store in his Superman lunch box, picked
it up, and, as he walked out of the room, said, "I have to go to the
office."
February
2, 2014 (Amie’s status)
What an
afternoon/evening we had. First Brandon went to ER for what turns out to be a
cold. Then shortly after he got home, Clay fell and bumped his head on our
desk. This resulted in another ER trip and 3 staples in Clay's head. Clayton
was a very brave little man. He was running around the ER before his staples
saying "I'm Superman!"
January
28, 2014
Me:
"I'm going be on Ask the Lawyers next week (public TV program)."
Amie: "So you're getting a haircut." Me: "Are you trying to say
something? That's going on Facebook." Amie: "No, I just know
you." Me: "So... don't you think I need a haircut?" Amie:
"Well... there is not much there."
January
24, 2014
Beverly Jo
Evans taught Clay to line up our pub table
stools in a row and call it a train. Yesterday, I drove to Lansing for a two-hour
meeting and then drove right back to Marquette. I got home at 2:30 am and got
to bed at 3 am. This morning at 8:30 am, Clay comes into my room, grabs my
hand, as I lay in bed and Amie Gardipee Evans tells him to let me sleep, and he
says, "Come ride the Polar Express Dada." How do you say no to that!
Exhausted.
January
22, 2014 (Amie’s status)
Brandon
laid his head on my shoulder while watching TV last night. Clay said,
"That's my momma. Get out of there!"
January
18, 2014
Amie
Gardipee Evans says, "I want to see this movie,
but it's over two hours long and it's after 9pm." That's my wife. Real
wild one.
January
13, 2014
Clay
steals mama's fudgsicle and then hears her say to me, "Do you want one
because I'm getting another one?" Clay quickly hands me the half-ate
fudgsicle and says, "mama I need one."
January 9,
2014
Dinner
conversation: "Daddy that's my rice. Mommy that's enough beer."
January 8,
2014 (Amie’s status)
I told
Clay, "I don't think that is a good idea." He said, "Mom go eat your
spaghetti!"
December
27, 2013 (Amie’s status)
Clayton
helped his Nana, Aunt Holly, and cousins make cookies today! At one point Clay
told me, "Momma you go over there and eat a carrot". Then he said,
"Nana your hands are dirty (she had flour on them)!"
December
21, 2013
We have a
refillable popcorn bucket for the movie theater. Last night I went to the
theater refilled the bucket for $3.50, and then rented Monster's University
from Family Video. Amie Gardipee Evans, Clay and I watched the movie and had
popcorn. This morning Clay goes into the family room puts the movie in the DVD
player, and says, "We need popcorn." Then he gets on the couch and
says, "Momma bring a blanket." Apparently, I am not the only one who
had a great time!
December
13, 2013
Me,
"do you want a piece of toast?" Amie Gardipee Evans, "No."
After sitting in the same chair for about an hour and around 55 minutes too
late, Amie says, "I think that toast is moldy."
December
12, 2013
Apparently
my credit card works on eBay but my wife's credit card does not... She's a
clever one.
November
2, 2013 (Amie’s status)
Two quotes
from Clay today "I want you to come see me momma"(Brandon and I are
out of town) and "grandma slow down" (while in the car with my
parents). I love him.
September
20, 2013
So I have
four walls in two rooms that have glue and wood (from the backside of paneling
we removed) that has to be scraped off the wall. I started working in one room,
and left Clay's room to do second. After working for like a minute, Clay comes
into the room and says to me, "Fix my room Dada." Can't say no to
that one. Clay's room first.
September
12, 2013
Just so
you know, according to Beverly Jo Evans, the Congress is an acceptable bar to
take Clay to but Tino's is not. She further clarified, "I don't think I've
seen babies in Tino's."
September
6, 2013
Amie
Gardipee Evans talking to Clay, "I'll go get you
a snack." Me, "make it a good one." Clay, "make it a good
one Mama."
August 16,
2013
So Amie
Gardipee Evans, Beverly Jo Evans, Logan (nephew), Madison (niece), Clay and I
went to the park last weekend for Yooper day. The only one of us that brought
any money was Logan. I told him he could loan us some money and earn interest.
He did not know what interest was so I explained it to him. We ended up not
spending any money. Tonight when we got home from the video store Logan said to
me, "I got some of that interest." I said, "What?" He said,
"Madison wanted to buy a gum ball, but she did not have any money with
her. So I loaned her a quarter, and she paid me two quarters when we got
home." Sorry Holly. I have turned your son into a loan shark.
March 15,
2013
Clay new
words today heck and dork. I guess it’s better than shit yesterday.
October
24, 2012
I have the
baseball game on. Clay thinks the “Go Pack Go” cheer applies to all sporting
events!
February
19, 2012
Half-way
through our move. 17 Foot U-Haul and 4 vehicles are packed full. Slept in
Norway at my in-laws. First night in the UP and my wife sleeps in a housecoat!
January
26, 2012
Amie and I have good news and sad news. The sad news is that we
are moving away from Green Bay. We will miss Green Bay and all of our friends
here very much. We will be back to visit often. The good news is that we are
moving to Marquette. I accepted an attorney position at Kendricks, Bordeau,
Adamini, Chilman & Greenlee, P.C.
July 2011
My son
Clay may not have been born a Yooper, but at least today he was baptized as
one! Thank you very much Holly and Mike for being Clay's Godparents!
June 2011
Clayton is
here! 7 pounds 2 ounces, 20.25 inches. Mom and Clay are doing great!
February
25, 2011
We are
having a boy!!!
January
23, 2011
This week
our expected baby is supposed to start hearing. Today baby will hear the
Packers stomp the Bears. And for baby's entire life, baby will hear about this
epic game followed by, "You know, you were at that game."
[Packer v.
Bears NFC Championship Game]
One
of my favorite stories comes from my mother, who despite my constant prodding
does not usually post her stories about Clay on Facebook. Anyways, apparently, one day she asked
Clay, “How’s your diaper?” He
responded, “Diaper’s good.”
Minutes later Amie arrived home from work and she asked Clay, “How’s
your diaper?” He responded,
“Diaper is good. Nana just changed it.”
That’s
My Family.
© December 2014 Brandon J. Evans
