“Can I use your phone? I need to call Papa.” My son, Clayton, said to me. “What for?” I asked. “For Happy Thank You Day.” He replied. As a parent of a toddler you often hear, “You should be writing this stuff down.” This Thanksgiving I was thinking of that, the wonderful family I have to be thankful for, and the fact that we will soon be welcoming a little girl into our nuthouse. Baby "D" is due to arrive on January 2nd though I am hoping for a 2014 exemption. I also thought, Clay and his antics are much more entertaining then anything I write, so why not blog about my family – two birds with one stone. So without further ado here is my life through select Facebook statuses over the last year and a little more:
December 1, 2014 (My wife’s, Amie, status)
Clayton's first words this morning (trying to get out of going to school) "I went to school already!"
November 28, 2014
We are at McDonalds play land. Clay is hanging off the railing on the stairs yelling, "HELP, HELP!" I go over there, "No daddy. I want the girl's help." That's my boy!
November 23, 2014
Amie came home from the dollar store with more prizes for when Clay uses the potty. He pooped on the potty for the first, second, third and fourth times yesterday and today and we were getting low on prizes. One of the new prizes was a cowboy vest that he really wanted to try on. We would not let him, so he ran into the living room where his potty chair is and went to work producing a dime size turd. He has the system rigged already. He put on his new cowboy vest and his cowboy hat and then looked at me and said, "get on the floor and say nay."
November 22, 2014
Me, "You have two options. The rest of the movie or story time?" Clay, "You have one option. Train track or blocks."
November 22, 2014
My mom told me that the other day she said to Clay, "You have a hole in your sock." He looked down at his feet, and then said, "I have socks like Daddy!"
November 20, 2014 (Amie’s status)
Brandon's hoping we will be a family of four by Christmas! He really wants the tax break J
November 18, 2014
I have been telling Clay not to take my ties from my closet. They are not toys. Today, I saw one of my ties on the floor and confronted him about it. "Did you take my tie? I said not to do that." Clay, "I did. I peed on the floor." ... ... ... Me, "Did you clean up your pee with my tie?" Clay, "I did."
November 15, 2014 – Opening Day of Dear Season
Clay is a natural hunter... He just moved the stepladder to the window and had me open it. He then climbed it so he could look out the window to see the girl across the street. He then immediate says to me, "Daddy get away from me. Go sit over there." Apparently, I was cramping his style.
November 7, 2014 (Amie’s status)
Clayton's first words this morning after he sprinted out of his room, "Daddy do you know caterpillars turn into butterflies!"
Every year my mom gives my wife more money on her birthday than she gives to me on my birthday.
September 5, 2014
What does it say about me when I grab a drill to hang some curtains and my wife says, “Should we call your mom?”
August 19, 2014
Clay told momma, "This mess is too deep and too tall. We cannot pick it up." Apparently, there is no way at all.
July 27, 2014
Clay is trying to Jedi mind trick me, "Dada doesn't like bacon. Daddy likes salad." #toddlersharingproblems
July 26, 2014
About a half hour ago I gave Clay some milk in a purple sippy cup. Our other cups are in the dishwasher. He was watching a movie and ignored the milk. All of a sudden he says, "This is a girl cup. I don't like girl cups."
Happy Anniversary Amie Gardipee Evans!!! I love you!!! Life sure changes... Last night as I bought three tickets to the latest Disney movie (Planes Fire & Rescue) the eighty something lady next to me was buying two tickets to Sex Tape. Amie says the lady was yelling at her husband, who was using a walker, about being late. #foreshadowing
July 15, 2014
We took away some of Clay's toys for misbehavior and put them out of reach. Nana asked him, "What do you need to do to get them back?" thinking he would sit at the table like a good boy and eat his dinner. His response, "I need to get a rope." That's my boy!
July 3, 2014
Old man problems - I bought a new polo shirt during my lunch break today. This morning it occurred to me that the shirt I was thinking about wearing to my high school reunion tonight is the same shirt that I wore to my reunion 5 years ago.
Clay normally calls Beverly Jo Evans, Nana. Today, when I got home from work he told me, "Your mom took me to McDonalds." My birthday boy is pretty smart for a 3 year old!
June 10, 2014 (Amie’s status)
Clay is insisting on wearing a winter coat and gloves to the grocery store. He said, "It looks fine!"
June 4, 2014
Sign #427 that my wife is a bit of a control freak. Clay tells me last night, "These are morning socks. I need jammy socks." Apparently he has socks that go with his pajamas... At least it's a comfort thing because they don't match the pajamas.
April 12, 2014
Amie Gardipee Evans is in the other room showing Beverly Jo Evans and Cheryl Gardipee how to "save" money. My wife is a couponing nut! Anyone want to play Trivial Pursuit? We are about to save some money by buying it.
April 4, 2014 (Amie’s status)
Last night Clay handed me a feminine product and said, "Here's your potty treat momma." Then he said, "Sometime I get a potty treat too!"
April 1, 2014
As Clay spilled his orange juice, I discovered he apparently says, "Oh dick!" Instead of "Oh shit!"
March 23, 2014 (Amie’s status)
Clay just said, "See that building that's where the Packers live!" I love him.
March 9, 2014 (Amie’s status)
Clay is giving me every excuse to get out of bed. He just said "Momma I need to go fix my contacts."
March 5, 2014
When we were at the Rainforest Cafe Clay saw the fake Crocodile. Later, Clay told us, "The crocodile ate my finger." We took him to the circus and he rode a pony. Today, Clay told us, "I rode a tiger at the circus." I have to take this kid fishing!
February 8, 2014
Clay put the three movies we got from the movie store in his Superman lunch box, picked it up, and, as he walked out of the room, said, "I have to go to the office."
February 2, 2014 (Amie’s status)
What an afternoon/evening we had. First Brandon went to ER for what turns out to be a cold. Then shortly after he got home, Clay fell and bumped his head on our desk. This resulted in another ER trip and 3 staples in Clay's head. Clayton was a very brave little man. He was running around the ER before his staples saying "I'm Superman!"
January 28, 2014
Me: "I'm going be on Ask the Lawyers next week (public TV program)." Amie: "So you're getting a haircut." Me: "Are you trying to say something? That's going on Facebook." Amie: "No, I just know you." Me: "So... don't you think I need a haircut?" Amie: "Well... there is not much there."
January 24, 2014
Beverly Jo Evans taught Clay to line up our pub table stools in a row and call it a train. Yesterday, I drove to Lansing for a two-hour meeting and then drove right back to Marquette. I got home at 2:30 am and got to bed at 3 am. This morning at 8:30 am, Clay comes into my room, grabs my hand, as I lay in bed and Amie Gardipee Evans tells him to let me sleep, and he says, "Come ride the Polar Express Dada." How do you say no to that! Exhausted.
January 22, 2014 (Amie’s status)
Brandon laid his head on my shoulder while watching TV last night. Clay said, "That's my momma. Get out of there!"
January 18, 2014
Amie Gardipee Evans says, "I want to see this movie, but it's over two hours long and it's after 9pm." That's my wife. Real wild one.
January 13, 2014
Clay steals mama's fudgsicle and then hears her say to me, "Do you want one because I'm getting another one?" Clay quickly hands me the half-ate fudgsicle and says, "mama I need one."
January 9, 2014
Dinner conversation: "Daddy that's my rice. Mommy that's enough beer."
January 8, 2014 (Amie’s status)
I told Clay, "I don't think that is a good idea." He said, "Mom go eat your spaghetti!"
December 27, 2013 (Amie’s status)
Clayton helped his Nana, Aunt Holly, and cousins make cookies today! At one point Clay told me, "Momma you go over there and eat a carrot". Then he said, "Nana your hands are dirty (she had flour on them)!"
December 21, 2013
We have a refillable popcorn bucket for the movie theater. Last night I went to the theater refilled the bucket for $3.50, and then rented Monster's University from Family Video. Amie Gardipee Evans, Clay and I watched the movie and had popcorn. This morning Clay goes into the family room puts the movie in the DVD player, and says, "We need popcorn." Then he gets on the couch and says, "Momma bring a blanket." Apparently, I am not the only one who had a great time!
December 13, 2013
Me, "do you want a piece of toast?" Amie Gardipee Evans, "No." After sitting in the same chair for about an hour and around 55 minutes too late, Amie says, "I think that toast is moldy."
December 12, 2013
Apparently my credit card works on eBay but my wife's credit card does not... She's a clever one.
November 2, 2013 (Amie’s status)
Two quotes from Clay today "I want you to come see me momma"(Brandon and I are out of town) and "grandma slow down" (while in the car with my parents). I love him.
September 20, 2013
So I have four walls in two rooms that have glue and wood (from the backside of paneling we removed) that has to be scraped off the wall. I started working in one room, and left Clay's room to do second. After working for like a minute, Clay comes into the room and says to me, "Fix my room Dada." Can't say no to that one. Clay's room first.
September 12, 2013
Just so you know, according to Beverly Jo Evans, the Congress is an acceptable bar to take Clay to but Tino's is not. She further clarified, "I don't think I've seen babies in Tino's."
September 6, 2013
Amie Gardipee Evans talking to Clay, "I'll go get you a snack." Me, "make it a good one." Clay, "make it a good one Mama."
August 16, 2013
So Amie Gardipee Evans, Beverly Jo Evans, Logan (nephew), Madison (niece), Clay and I went to the park last weekend for Yooper day. The only one of us that brought any money was Logan. I told him he could loan us some money and earn interest. He did not know what interest was so I explained it to him. We ended up not spending any money. Tonight when we got home from the video store Logan said to me, "I got some of that interest." I said, "What?" He said, "Madison wanted to buy a gum ball, but she did not have any money with her. So I loaned her a quarter, and she paid me two quarters when we got home." Sorry Holly. I have turned your son into a loan shark.
March 15, 2013
Clay new words today heck and dork. I guess it’s better than shit yesterday.
October 24, 2012
I have the baseball game on. Clay thinks the “Go Pack Go” cheer applies to all sporting events!
February 19, 2012
Half-way through our move. 17 Foot U-Haul and 4 vehicles are packed full. Slept in Norway at my in-laws. First night in the UP and my wife sleeps in a housecoat!
January 26, 2012
Amie and I have good news and sad news. The sad news is that we are moving away from Green Bay. We will miss Green Bay and all of our friends here very much. We will be back to visit often. The good news is that we are moving to Marquette. I accepted an attorney position at Kendricks, Bordeau, Adamini, Chilman & Greenlee, P.C.
My son Clay may not have been born a Yooper, but at least today he was baptized as one! Thank you very much Holly and Mike for being Clay's Godparents!
Clayton is here! 7 pounds 2 ounces, 20.25 inches. Mom and Clay are doing great!
February 25, 2011
We are having a boy!!!
January 23, 2011
This week our expected baby is supposed to start hearing. Today baby will hear the Packers stomp the Bears. And for baby's entire life, baby will hear about this epic game followed by, "You know, you were at that game."
[Packer v. Bears NFC Championship Game]
One of my favorite stories comes from my mother, who despite my constant prodding does not usually post her stories about Clay on Facebook. Anyways, apparently, one day she asked Clay, “How’s your diaper?” He responded, “Diaper’s good.” Minutes later Amie arrived home from work and she asked Clay, “How’s your diaper?” He responded, “Diaper is good. Nana just changed it.”
That’s My Family.
© December 2014 Brandon J. Evans